The 2010 Emmy awards came and went without much hubbub regarding anyone’s atrocious fashion sense. 

The usual offenders were MIA…most likely hanging out in some seedy West LA bar with that idiot Scott Disick.  What the fuck is wrong with that kid.  Better yet, what the fuck is wrong Kourtney Kardashian?

Plenty of people!!!! And this is only one reason why…

WHAT. THE. FUCK?  She stands for everything that I don’t.  And not only that, but she is a bigger idiot than George W.  (and who even knew that that was remotely possible)?  I am at a loss for words.  Separate church and state and let the people think for themselves!  PS, wasnt this asshole the one that was touting abstinence until marriage…and then her slut daughter ends up pregnant and in school AND UNWED????  Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Someone DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention that this bumper sticker was spotted on a car in Austin.  AUSTIN is supposed to be the best place in Texas…whoever you are, you are tainting us!  I should have keyed the shit out of this car!  Where’s Craig when you need him?

I have a total foodie geek crush on Ruth Bourdain.  She (?) is an elusive and unknown writer who has recieved her fame by mashing up the tweets of Ruth Reichl with the mind of Anthony Bourdain.  It’s pure fucking genius people.  Genius. 

Anyways, I can’t wait until she gets her hands on this bad boy.  KFC’s new fried skin sandwich!  I am not joking.  When is this shit gonna stop?  I thought that the Double Down was just as bad as it could get, but what the fuck…I was dead wrong.  They have outdone themselves…and now I am gonna go throw up. 

Two South Florida men have been arrested and charged with Medicare fraud as they have been billing the Federal Government for fraudulent penis pumps. Four claims for penis pump reimbursement were filed for FEMALE patient alone. Hmmmmm, let’s see, medicare fraud amounts to approximately $65 billion dollars per year.

Hmmmmmm, I wonder if I could start filing claims for the Fleshlight?

read more here…

That’s exactly what this guy did to his girlfriend! Knocked her plum off the balcony while “dancing”.

Welcome to spring break…you crazy kids. Next time your ass is in the air and your man’s clearly not good with the judgement of his strength…a dance off is NOT a good idea. I repeat, NOT a good idea. Any questions?

What’s all the fuss over “ain’t” about? Is there really anything wrong with the word? Or is it even a word?

The colloquialism ain’t is a nonstandard contraction of the following: “am not;” “are not;” “is not;” “have not;” and “has not.”

It is also used in some dialects as a contraction for “do not,” “does not,” and “did not.” For example, “We ain’t got any milk left.”

It derives from the late 18th century word “amn’t,” which is a contraction of “am not.” Amn’t and the related word “an’t” are rarely used anymore.

There are several antiquated non-standard contractions. Hain’t means “has not” or “have not.” And baint and bain’t mean “be not.”

The validity of ain’t has been widely debated. On one hand, many people consider it to be an acceptable contraction in everyday speech. But on the other hand, it seems that just as many people consider its usage improper and simply “bad English.”

There is no use denying how commonly ain’t appears in some of the most beloved expressions, such as:

• “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

• “He ain’t what he used to be.”

• “You ain’t heard (or seen) nothing yet.”

• “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

• “Ain’t it the truth!”

Skokie city police in Cook County, Illinois are forced to cut the roof off of a house after a hoarder was buried alive under her phat stash!  (watch)

According to authorities, the home was filled with debris from the floor up to three feet below the ceiling.  The two occupants of the home dug tunnels as means for navigating through all their shit.

Sadly, the 80-something year old woman that was buried alive had just recently been to the doctor and was given a clean bill of health.  Just think, this problem could have been solved! 

I think it would be a good idea for homes of the elderly to be visited every so often by social services to ensure their safety. 

Hoarding is an anxiety disorder that is classified as a type of anxiety.  If you know someone who suffers from such pack-rat-itis….DO SOMETHING for crying out loud!

That’s right.  Rather than curing cancer, bottling unicorn serum, sending search teams to find the next double rainbow, or burning every Princess Bride movie that still exists, our government is paying people to research the effects of cocaine on a quail’s sex drive.

All the while, I know people who would have done it for free!  Thank you, government, I am so thankful you are putting my tax dollars toward a cause that will benefit me some day.

And, while we are on the topic (so it doesn’t seem so naughty and taboo):

90% of all US currency bills have cocaine residue on them…but wait, I thought that was just little Johnny’s ADD acting up again!

Common Street Names:  Coke, Dust, Toot, Line, Nose Candy, Snow. Sneeze, Powder, Girl, White Pony, Flake, C, The Lady, Cain, Neurocain, Rock, Crack

It’s true – at one time cocaine was an ingredient in Coca-Cola

GGOOOOAAAAL – Columbian’s (go figure) were caught making World Cup replicas out of the white stuff…hrrmmmmmm

This is so much fun I wish I didn’t have to stop, but it’s about time to head home!

However, kids, if you’re ever in the bathroom and feel the urge to get a little high, DON’T ask for a toot.  Ok?  This will just make you look like a nerd, I promise.

Happy quails to you,

GBJ

Yes, that’s right, recently the tween fashion house reported that they were going to begin pimping their own line of maternity wear.  MATERNITY WEAR?  Need I go further?

With more and more medical innovations that tell us surprising amounts of information about unborn children, the medical ethics of prenatal drugs become significantly complicated. It seems unproblematic to allow couples to see what gender their child will be, but what happens when pregnant women are informed that their children may have congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), a group of inherited disorders of the adrenal gland? Drugs like the steroid dexamethasone are often prescribed for CAH, which can cause faulty adrenal glands and early signs of puberty in boys, and “ambiguous” genitalia and “masculine” tendencies in girls. Some are rightfully challenging the use of this drug, calling its necessity and dubious motivations into question. And much of the reason women are taking it appears to be because of the associations between “masculine” women and homosexuality — whether or not they are doing so consciously, the people who take the drug seem very clearly to want straight, feminine daughters, to the point where they’ll take an experimental drug to get the desired result.

The problematic elements are clear: women are taking dexamethasone (dex) because they are afraid of the “psychosocial problems associated with having ambiguous genitalia” (and here I’m quoting Time), as well as the threat of same-sex attraction, which is less explicitly addressed in the article but is clearly one of the main issues for the people who are prescribing and taking dex. Regardless of whether CAH can actually influence sexual orientation, the anxiety is reflective of fear of traits that blur gender lines. Girls with CAH do not exhibit traditionally feminine traits; they behave “tomboyishly” and do not express the same interest in motherhood. Dex can, essentially, create feminine children who will exhibit “normal” sexual orientations, as well as (and this is pretty shocking) de-masculinize “peer association, career and leisure time preferences in adolescence and adulthood.” Yes – this is implying “masculine” and “feminine” career paths, and suggesting that this drug can push girls toward the correct, feminine track.

I don’t know where to start with this. First of all, the idea of ambiguous genitalia being a problem has led, in the United States, to a shocking number of “corrective” surgeries on infants that, to my mind, seems not far off from the practice that in other countries we call “genital mutilation.” But here’s the kicker: the drug doesn’t cure CAH, and many women who take the drug are shocked to discover the ethical controversy, mostly centered around informed consent, that surrounds the drug. New York doctor Maria New has been leading in prescribing the drug, but her methods are extremely ethically dubious.

The impetus to prescribe and take dex is, clearly, spurred by a severe anxiety about the idea of giving birth to daughters who, whether or not they are lesbians, blur gender boundaries and challenge traditional conceptions of what is masculine and feminine. The solution, though, is not to take an unnecessary drug, but to rethink the way we deal with gender so that “masculine” daughters with “ambiguous genitalia” are no longer such a source of fear that women will take an experimental, off-label drug to “cure” them.

Read more: health policy, pregnant women, experimental drugs, gender anxiety