Ok kids. I was talking w/ bf the other day and he suggested that I recap the restaurant reviews that I have posted so far. While I love to give props to those institutions that I love, I like to keep the devil close when I revisit the establishments that pissed me off…so here goes…

I will start with the BAD list…

Primizie Osteria, Austin, Texas…the atmosphere blew, the food sucked, and the service was as cold as my grammy six feet under. Wait she was cremated, anyways, you catch my drift…

Ave. B Grocery Store and Sandwich Shop…the guys that owns this is a fucking cock face. Unfortunately, his food is the shit, but I will never return. EVER!

Bossa Nova - UGH! I don’t even know where to begin. However, I saw the asshole that I refer to in this entry at the local corner store…it was night and that douche bag still had on his sunglasses…and he informed us that he now works at the coffee shop right next to my house (Quack’s, which BF and I refer to as Wack’s, cuz it sucks dick as well). So, in the defense of the very sweet owner of Bossa Nova, I will go back and give it a shot knowing that the fucker that makes me want to hurl with every breath he takes is gone! One step forward for Bossa Nova.

The GOOD list!

Lambert’s Fancy Downtown BBQ - There is not enough positive things I can say about this place. Beyond the amazing music that plays, the historic building, and the calm of being off 6th Street, the food is to die for. On a recent trip in, I had the skirt steak served with a hot Cholula butter…hold on kids, that one will blow you right over!

I also suggest that you try The Little Deli on Woodrow, possibly the best sandwich in town! Another one of my faves is The Blue Dahlia for a bistro style setting…amazing, organic, and local!

Bon Apetite, fuckers!

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Many Birthdays, Baby Robots, The Diagonals, and BASIC!

Do yourself a favor and buy all of the CDs! All of them, assholes…every single one of them…at least The Diagonals!

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Go to Lambert’s this Saturday night for four of my most fave local bands ever…Many Birthdays, Baby Robots (the new crew), The Diagonals, and BASIC…it’s gonna be a big one!

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Ok, yum! BF and I had dinner here last night to celebrate his birthday… yes, he is older than me …and it was so delicious!

We started the evening off with the roasted green chile queso w/ homemade fresh, fried tortilla strips ($6). The queso was very light and very tasty. The fresh fried tortilla strips were far superior to any tostada you would find at a tex-mex joint! We also decided to share the iceberg wedge salad w/ grape tomatoes and a very light and creamy buttermilk bleu cheese dressing ($8). BF is not into iceberg lettuce, but I thought that it was a fine pallette for the crisp bacon bits and rich dressing. Iceberg retains its temperature better than most lettuces, so it was perfect for this dish. I had the natural Niman ranch filet served with a tobasco hollandaise and a stuffed beef steak tomato ($32). Holy shit. It tasted just as good as it sounds. The steak was seasoned to perfection and melted in my mouth. BF had the brown sugar and coffee rubbed natural beef brisket, lean cut ($14). While I did not try it, he always gets the brisket, and he is self proclaimed brisket connoisseur, I take his word that it was good. In fact, there was only one piece left on the plate when he was done! We rounded our meal off with two family sides (large portions to feed 2-4 people) of mashed new potatoes w/ creme fraiche ($6) and some pan seared french beans, also $6.

Lamberts does not have salt and pepper on the tables. In most situations, this really pisses me off, it’s conceited to me. However, this food was seasoned to absolute divinity and they knew it! No salt and pepper shakers needed!

Next time I go back, and there will be a next time and it will be soon, I am going to try the banana creme pie! YUM! We had cake at the house so I just could not do that to myself at the time…

The bar upstairs hosts a M-F happy hour from 5-7, and plenty of music to make your drinks go down that much faster. Check out their Myspace page for more details…And if you live in Austin…you can come visit me and my BF on 5/17 b/c his band,Baby Robots ,and several of our friends’ bands will be playing together that night!

Bon Apetite, Bitches!

BASIC

Many Birthdays

The Diagonals

Popularity: 3% [?]

The former location of Ararat on North Loop has had a major facelift! The one time Ararat belly dancer, Phara has redone this space and added her own touch. The menu is still Middle Eastern, although a bit more pricey, but the atmosphere has improved ten-fold. To be honest w/ you, I have not had the chance to eat here yet…I just realized it was there…but I will. If any of you ass holes have tried it, please comment. I would freak out if I went there and it sucked and no one bothered to tell me about it! I’m kind of scared b/c Ararat was soooooo yummers, but I will certainly give it a fair chance.

Both restaurants share the same menu as Christopher’s, named after Phara’s son who died of Cystic Fibrosis complications, is there for special reservations and over-flow from Phara’s. Elegant and serene…please, give it a try. This place has been updated and revamped. I hope the food tastes as good as the new establishment looks.

Holla!

Popularity: 3% [?]

Oh shit, you guys know that I hate doing this kind of stuff, but I did email the owner to try and kiss and make up, and I have received no response, which leads me to believe that he could give a fuck about making his customers happy. Join the club, buddy. The feeling is mutual, I could give a fuck about your shit food!

So, the place is Bossa*Nova in Austin, Texas…Here is the address. You can even download a copy of their painfully disgusting menu…Please, take a look at what you are not missing!

First of all, there is this big giant douche bag that works the counter. He wears sunglasses inside and a fucking tire chain around his neck. Catch my drift? I think he is a little pissed that he has to be there when he could be rocking out somewhere instead, but that ain’t my problem, yo…

So, I called once to get a takeout order. Easy, two drinks and two sandwiches w/ soup. Shit hit the fan as soon as he answered the phone. He apparently was asking me for my name, but I had preceeded to order. This was totally NOT OK w/ him. He just kept yelling “NO” at me when I would start to order. I am sorry that I did not follow your rules, dude, but it has been a long time since I have worked in the food industry, and besides, it would not have been that big of a damn deal had I given you my name at the end of the conversation. I get it, I would not want to work a sandwich shop either…

So, one of my sammies were to be sans mayo, not mine cuz I love the shit, and so on. Anyways, I get there to pick up the order and he argued with me that I only told him I wanted one drink. Right, no big deal. Charge me for another fucking bottled drink and let me get the fuck out of here. So…I paid, and while my card was running I was looking in the dessert case and saw a yummy cupcake that I needed to have. When I asked if I could add that on to my order, he says “NO”. AGAIN…I could have paid cash or whatever, but he actually told me that I could not have it. (note: I ended up getting the cupcake b/c as it turns out he had to re-run my card to charge me for the drink that I ordered that he FORGOT about)…So, it all worked out in the end…Until I get home and there is only one mother fucking sandwich in the bag and it has mayo oozing out the sides all over the place. Now, while I love me some mayo, I DETEST IT WHEN IT’S HOT and oily and spilling out every inch of the creation. It was so gross that I don’t even remember what the sandwich was supposed to be…not good. I ordered the corn chowder which I would normally love more than life itself, but this shit is like skim milk topped off w/ a shot of canola oil. It’s fucking gross.

So, at this point, I am so aggro that I don’t even bother to eat that mother fucker’s precious cupcake…

To the defense of the owners, the douche bag counter guy is not the owner, they are very friendly and helpful, however, that does not hold a candle when your food taste like semen and the guy serving it to me is a big fucking pussy.

Instead of ever going here, I suggest trying Hot Mama’s (and yes, there are some major hot mama’s working here) for your coffee and Baby Greens for your healthy food!

ps, for all of you true Austin-ites, Hot Mama’s food is prepared in coordination w/ the Ararat staff. That’s right, THE ararat, circa 2006. yummers!

Bon Apetite, bitches!

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Click here for the money list…

David Byrne! Spiritualized! Conor Oberst! Strange Boys! I can keep going, but I won’t…go look!

And ps…I need a TICKET!

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And here is exactly why I have not been updating very well…I have my hands full w/ an 8 week old Maine Coon kitten and she is a bloody terror! Thankfully, she’s a cutie pie!

We call her Bojie. She’s adorable!

Popularity: 3% [?]

First of all, Happy St. Patty’s Day to all you mother fuckin Irish sons of bitches! No green beer or Guiness for me today, after the week I had, I am putting myself in rehab for a while. Rehab on my couch and at work. I have not been to work in almost a week. And believe me, I lived it up!

Sooo, on Friday night, my girl and I ended up getting in to see Destroyer…thank you bf and eric…you made our night!

First up was Wye Oak, formerly Monarch, from Baltimore. They were amazing. They are the cutest kids in the world. They are in love and you can tell. They gave me goosebumps!

Then there were a couple of bands that I have no idea who they were, and for a reason. They blew! Then, finally, Destroyer!

Please, check them out if you ever get a chance. I promise!

The big day on Saturday!

We started off first with a couple of day parties. We saw Brownout, a latin mondo funk band w/ horns…they groove. This weekend was filled w/ “firsts” for me, like seeing another friend’s band, MyEducation. They were fantastic, as always, from what I hear. Pure instrumental and rock. A great combo!

We went home to regroup, and then headed to The Chain Drive to see some more friends of mine, BASIC!

Thank you guys. Amazing as always!

The the party took another turn at Club Ninety Proof for some hip hop! What a great idea this was…First up, Team Facelift! Amazing vocals and costumes, they were great fun. The Jameson helped!

The the show stopper, Lord T & Eloise. (That is my crazy bitch Heather licking his face on their myspace page) Trust me, go look them up. Go buy the cd’s. You will thank me.

At this point it was getting late and the Jameson got the best of me and it was about time to scat anyways…yes, I missed Roxy Cottontail, shame on me. So did many I guess cuz from what I heard, there were not many people there and she was PISSED!

Maybe next time!

All in all, it was a fucking blast. I recommend SXSW to anyone who needs a fix…I had always been a major fan of ACL, but it holds no candle to SX kids. Do you and me a favor and get there next year. No matter what it takes.

note: once I get my camera up and working again I will add some pics. As incriminating as they may be, I will add some pics!

Ciao babies…

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On Thursday, I laid on the couch all day and hung w/ some folks. I knew that once Heather got into town today (I am waiting on her right now) she would expect me to be on top of my game. I owe her.

So, we are hoping to go see Destroyer tonight…not sure if we can make it happen, but if not, Tapes-n-Tapes is next on my list. I am going out w/ my camera and my notes again people…get ready! Tonight will be total mayhem…it’s Friday afterall, in one of the best cities on earth!

ciao…

GBJ

Popularity: 2% [?]