Ok kids. I was talking w/ bf the other day and he suggested that I recap the restaurant reviews that I have posted so far. While I love to give props to those institutions that I love, I like to keep the devil close when I revisit the establishments that pissed me off…so here goes…

I will start with the BAD list…

Primizie Osteria, Austin, Texas…the atmosphere blew, the food sucked, and the service was as cold as my grammy six feet under. Wait she was cremated, anyways, you catch my drift…

Ave. B Grocery Store and Sandwich Shop…the guys that owns this is a fucking cock face. Unfortunately, his food is the shit, but I will never return. EVER!

Bossa Nova - UGH! I don’t even know where to begin. However, I saw the asshole that I refer to in this entry at the local corner store…it was night and that douche bag still had on his sunglasses…and he informed us that he now works at the coffee shop right next to my house (Quack’s, which BF and I refer to as Wack’s, cuz it sucks dick as well). So, in the defense of the very sweet owner of Bossa Nova, I will go back and give it a shot knowing that the fucker that makes me want to hurl with every breath he takes is gone! One step forward for Bossa Nova.

The GOOD list!

Lambert’s Fancy Downtown BBQ - There is not enough positive things I can say about this place. Beyond the amazing music that plays, the historic building, and the calm of being off 6th Street, the food is to die for. On a recent trip in, I had the skirt steak served with a hot Cholula butter…hold on kids, that one will blow you right over!

I also suggest that you try The Little Deli on Woodrow, possibly the best sandwich in town! Another one of my faves is The Blue Dahlia for a bistro style setting…amazing, organic, and local!

Bon Apetite, fuckers!

Ok, here we go…there is a small neighborhood grocery store in Austin, Texas called Avenue B Grocery. They had the phatest, most rad sandwiches in all the town. About a year or so ago, I tried to take some friends with me there to eat so they could experience the shear delight that I had been experiencing for years…to my surprise, the store was still there, but it was never open. And when I say never open, I mean, it was never open. It was the weirdest thing.

So a few weeks ago I took my friend James back, the sign said open, I was stoked! We walk in the doors to find that the store was open but the “deli” part of the store was out of; all meats, 75% of their bread variety, and several veggies. Basically, if you were in the mood for a grilled, gov’t cheese sandwich on Wonder bread, you were in luck. We left…I promised James that we would return and…HE WOULD FUCKING L-O-V-E it…

and we did…and he did…
So I decided that it was time to take bf there…he is a lover of the ultimate sandwich…and this is where it gets ugly…

We walk into the store, confusingly order our shit, grab some chips and drink, just as I had in the past, and sit back near the counter and wait for our food. I see bf open his drink and take a sip…it looks refreshing , I do the same. I take a swig, twist the cap back on, and am suddenly shaken into reality by a mid-aged man’s voice saying, “MA’AAAAAAAM”…He just called me…gasp…ma’am…I politely said, “yes”, and he retorts…”We do not consume drinks in this establishment until they have been paid for and have exited the property”…I was shocked. I said, “ok”, put the cap back on and went to the cash register while he was mumbling something about an antique. If you have ever been in this store before, you know that the whole-fucking-thing-is-one-giant-antique…and it is. He decides to “do us a favor and ring us up b/c we “must be in a hurry to get outside and enjoy the day”…and we were. So we go up to the counter, he tells me sorry for yelling, but “our customers need to be trained just like our employees”…WTF? yes, i swear, he did say that…and he kept going. I was ready to throw in the towel and eat my sandwich, but then he goes on about how I could spill on his antiques…I politely told him that I was 32 and for as far as I know have been out of the “spilling” stage for several years now…he tells me that that is why they are called “accidents”.

See where I am going with this? This guy is a total fucking dirty bag of the big ‘ol D! I wanted, and I had, something very crass and rude to say to him at this point, but my mom is still alive and I would never say those things I was thinking as long as she lived on this earth. (except I did tell bf, but he would never repeat)
Anyways, the moral to the story is that the man that owns Avenue B grocery store, in Hyde Park, in Austin, Texas, has been in jail for the last year b/c of child pornography that was found in his ice cream cooler in the store, and if you ever dare to buy a drink from his establishment…DRINK THAT SHIT OUTSIDE!

boycot list for sure…and, yes, you had to be there!

Dear Mr. Owner,

If you ever read this…YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!

love always,

GBJ

GBJ disclaimer…ok, so it may not be true about the child porn in the freezer, but I  do know that my girl, G,  used to call him to Hyde Park rapist.  We don’t know if he ever raped anyone, actually, we know nothing about him…all we do know is that he is not “right”…we’re just try’n to have a little fun here.  BACK THE FUCK OFF!