WTF? Holy shit…I think we should all the thankful for missing her lately. She already looks like Joan Rivers, and that is hideous to say about anyone. What the hell is going on here?

Well then, here you are! He is all suited up Ron Jeremy style for his new movie “The Love Guru”, which, by the looks of it, is gonna suck a big fat dick!

I am baffled at why anyone would think this beast has any sex appeal what-so-ever. She’s way too freckley (is that a word), her legs are simply atrocious, and she insists on always looking like either a big huge piece of trailer trash or a total hooker. Oh wait, boys with dicks like hookers…right?

First of all, I cannot for the life of me imagine why anyone in their right mind would want to touch this slut bag with a ten foot pole. You know she has some serious disease hiding behind all those sweat suits and sunglasses that she wears. Here is my take on the situation…Paris sees Nicole and Joel (Benji’s bro and Good Charlotte band mate) happily ever after w/ baby in tow, and she just can’t handle it! So, not only does she try to “settle down”, but she does it w/ Benji….EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…Shouldn’t she be doing some charity work somewhere? Helping the poor and the children and the cancer patients? Hey, that’s what she said she was going to do after she got out of jail. That was a nice try, bitch. I highly doubt you will ever make any kind of fucking mark on this world…the tape does not count. Neither do the diseases you spread.

This bitch is hideous, sorry bf!  She got dissed my Leo and Adrien Grenier, so this attention whore has decided she is going to show the world what they missed out on.  Oh God. 

Ok, here we go…there is a small neighborhood grocery store in Austin, Texas called Avenue B Grocery. They had the phatest, most rad sandwiches in all the town. About a year or so ago, I tried to take some friends with me there to eat so they could experience the shear delight that I had been experiencing for years…to my surprise, the store was still there, but it was never open. And when I say never open, I mean, it was never open. It was the weirdest thing.

So a few weeks ago I took my friend James back, the sign said open, I was stoked! We walk in the doors to find that the store was open but the “deli” part of the store was out of; all meats, 75% of their bread variety, and several veggies. Basically, if you were in the mood for a grilled, gov’t cheese sandwich on Wonder bread, you were in luck. We left…I promised James that we would return and…HE WOULD FUCKING L-O-V-E it…

and we did…and he did…
So I decided that it was time to take bf there…he is a lover of the ultimate sandwich…and this is where it gets ugly…

We walk into the store, confusingly order our shit, grab some chips and drink, just as I had in the past, and sit back near the counter and wait for our food. I see bf open his drink and take a sip…it looks refreshing , I do the same. I take a swig, twist the cap back on, and am suddenly shaken into reality by a mid-aged man’s voice saying, “MA’AAAAAAAM”…He just called me…gasp…ma’am…I politely said, “yes”, and he retorts…”We do not consume drinks in this establishment until they have been paid for and have exited the property”…I was shocked. I said, “ok”, put the cap back on and went to the cash register while he was mumbling something about an antique. If you have ever been in this store before, you know that the whole-fucking-thing-is-one-giant-antique…and it is. He decides to “do us a favor and ring us up b/c we “must be in a hurry to get outside and enjoy the day”…and we were. So we go up to the counter, he tells me sorry for yelling, but “our customers need to be trained just like our employees”…WTF? yes, i swear, he did say that…and he kept going. I was ready to throw in the towel and eat my sandwich, but then he goes on about how I could spill on his antiques…I politely told him that I was 32 and for as far as I know have been out of the “spilling” stage for several years now…he tells me that that is why they are called “accidents”.

See where I am going with this? This guy is a total fucking dirty bag of the big ‘ol D! I wanted, and I had, something very crass and rude to say to him at this point, but my mom is still alive and I would never say those things I was thinking as long as she lived on this earth. (except I did tell bf, but he would never repeat)
Anyways, the moral to the story is that the man that owns Avenue B grocery store, in Hyde Park, in Austin, Texas, has been in jail for the last year b/c of child pornography that was found in his ice cream cooler in the store, and if you ever dare to buy a drink from his establishment…DRINK THAT SHIT OUTSIDE!

boycot list for sure…and, yes, you had to be there!

Dear Mr. Owner,

If you ever read this…YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!

love always,

GBJ

GBJ disclaimer…ok, so it may not be true about the child porn in the freezer, but I  do know that my girl, G,  used to call him to Hyde Park rapist.  We don’t know if he ever raped anyone, actually, we know nothing about him…all we do know is that he is not “right”…we’re just try’n to have a little fun here.  BACK THE FUCK OFF!

First of all, this one got hit w/ the ugly stick for sure.  Not like Paris is so wonderful to look at, but at least she wears enough make-up to make her bearable…oh yeah, she also likes to show her hoo ha…people like that.

Anyways, yes, Barron Hilton, 18 yo brother of Paris and Nicky (and other siblings who are yet to cause much trouble, hence the reason I have no idea what their names are) was busted w/ a DUI this morning at 8:30 am in LA.  Whoa.  Still blowing a .12 at 8:30 am?  That is what I call impressive. 

Not much else has been said about Barron or what his consequences will be.  It’s really not all that exciting b/c the entire time I was writing this, I was really wondering how is that I am the only mother fucker on earth who has not seen “One Night In Paris”.  I need to get my priorities straight.

TMZ is reporting that Heath’s maid found him dead this afternoon.  No word on any reasons yet.  Updates to come.  CNN is reporting that he was found at 3pm in his Manhattan apartment.  Sad shit.  He was fucking ridiculous hot.

it makes me feel really old when shit like this happens.

Update:  police are confirming that there were prescription pills found strewn around Heath’s bed when the paramedics arrived.  TMZ is reporting that when they arrived, the 28 year old actor was in full cardiac arrest and they could not help him.

Update:  Heath was reportedly in a residence that was owned by Mary-Kate Olsen.  The paramedics are now saying that when they arrived, they found his body face down with no apparent signs of trauma.

Update:  I am a single girl sitting in my little bungalow in east Austin trying to mind my own business and go about my daily routine…which isn’t much to write about in itself, and I like it that way so, should you not have enough tragic chronicling of the life and death of Heath Ledger…please visit TMZ.com…I don’t know how they do it, but those guys are fucking on top it!

Via car.  But forget about that.  Let’s focus on what really matters.  For one, Ghalib looks like Cary Hart.  Next, Britney really needs to hire a stylist.  And lastly, her fucking extensions drive me nuts!  I was in the doc’s office this morning reading an article about “How you can tell a woman’s state of emotion by her hair”…oops.  She must be really fucked up!

Apparently, Rehab is not for quiters!

http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1365214058

She’s a mess, cowboy…

update:  who’s foot is that back there?  weird!