Plenty of people!!!! And this is only one reason why…

WHAT. THE. FUCK?  She stands for everything that I don’t.  And not only that, but she is a bigger idiot than George W.  (and who even knew that that was remotely possible)?  I am at a loss for words.  Separate church and state and let the people think for themselves!  PS, wasnt this asshole the one that was touting abstinence until marriage…and then her slut daughter ends up pregnant and in school AND UNWED????  Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Someone DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention that this bumper sticker was spotted on a car in Austin.  AUSTIN is supposed to be the best place in Texas…whoever you are, you are tainting us!  I should have keyed the shit out of this car!  Where’s Craig when you need him?

I have a total foodie geek crush on Ruth Bourdain.  She (?) is an elusive and unknown writer who has recieved her fame by mashing up the tweets of Ruth Reichl with the mind of Anthony Bourdain.  It’s pure fucking genius people.  Genius. 

Anyways, I can’t wait until she gets her hands on this bad boy.  KFC’s new fried skin sandwich!  I am not joking.  When is this shit gonna stop?  I thought that the Double Down was just as bad as it could get, but what the fuck…I was dead wrong.  They have outdone themselves…and now I am gonna go throw up. 

That’s exactly what this guy did to his girlfriend! Knocked her plum off the balcony while “dancing”.

Welcome to spring break…you crazy kids. Next time your ass is in the air and your man’s clearly not good with the judgement of his strength…a dance off is NOT a good idea. I repeat, NOT a good idea. Any questions?

Skokie city police in Cook County, Illinois are forced to cut the roof off of a house after a hoarder was buried alive under her phat stash!  (watch)

According to authorities, the home was filled with debris from the floor up to three feet below the ceiling.  The two occupants of the home dug tunnels as means for navigating through all their shit.

Sadly, the 80-something year old woman that was buried alive had just recently been to the doctor and was given a clean bill of health.  Just think, this problem could have been solved! 

I think it would be a good idea for homes of the elderly to be visited every so often by social services to ensure their safety. 

Hoarding is an anxiety disorder that is classified as a type of anxiety.  If you know someone who suffers from such pack-rat-itis….DO SOMETHING for crying out loud!

That’s right.  Rather than curing cancer, bottling unicorn serum, sending search teams to find the next double rainbow, or burning every Princess Bride movie that still exists, our government is paying people to research the effects of cocaine on a quail’s sex drive.

All the while, I know people who would have done it for free!  Thank you, government, I am so thankful you are putting my tax dollars toward a cause that will benefit me some day.

And, while we are on the topic (so it doesn’t seem so naughty and taboo):

90% of all US currency bills have cocaine residue on them…but wait, I thought that was just little Johnny’s ADD acting up again!

Common Street Names:  Coke, Dust, Toot, Line, Nose Candy, Snow. Sneeze, Powder, Girl, White Pony, Flake, C, The Lady, Cain, Neurocain, Rock, Crack

It’s true – at one time cocaine was an ingredient in Coca-Cola

GGOOOOAAAAL – Columbian’s (go figure) were caught making World Cup replicas out of the white stuff…hrrmmmmmm

This is so much fun I wish I didn’t have to stop, but it’s about time to head home!

However, kids, if you’re ever in the bathroom and feel the urge to get a little high, DON’T ask for a toot.  Ok?  This will just make you look like a nerd, I promise.

Happy quails to you,

GBJ

Yes, that’s right, recently the tween fashion house reported that they were going to begin pimping their own line of maternity wear.  MATERNITY WEAR?  Need I go further?

That’s right girls and boys, now that “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” are filing for bankruptcy and the show is moving to Houston to film the southern girls and their mad bling and awful accents, and “Jon and Kate + Eight” is now just “Kate + Eight” (I’d rather stab myself in the eye), TLC is forced to come up with their next smashing success.  What did they choose?  Why, of course, they chose to film the lives of competitive, EXTREME dog (mainly poodle) groomers. 

Well, ok, I guess.  Whatever.  This is not my reality, but  I am sure there are some women in Palm Springs and Boca Raton that are gonna eat this shit up…and follow suit!

Ps, I am in the wrong business, kids.

The Good, the Bad, and the Juicy is not only a space for me to rave about the wonderful ins and outs of this city I call home, but as many of you know, it’s also a community bulletin board in which I express the good, the bad and the juicy about city-wide occurrences. 

A while back I brought to your attention a story about the HEY CUPCAKE! (owner – Wes Hurt) family in Austin bringing a law suit to a Noblesville, Indiana cupcake trailer by the name of The Cupcake Camper.  Apparently, HEY CUPCAKE! has decided to drop suit  because The Cupcake Camper has met many of the requirements set forth by HEY CUPCAKE!.  I have said it once and I will say it again.  How dare HEY CUPCAKE! sue a cupcake trailer in Indiana.  As if there were any possible way that the Inidana trailer was stealing their business.  Who cares if it looks similar, HEY CUPCAKE! should have taken this as a compliment!  It’s not possible for HEY CUPCAKE! to go national with their product because it’s overpriced and tastes like shit.  It’s dried out and sold for $2.50 ea in a boring and sterile store front (the tourists go to the trailer, not the locals).  Who do they think they are?  Not only that, but I personally went in and asked them (very professionally, with letter in hand) for a donation to a community event…they did not even have the decency to call me back or write and decline my request.  HEY CUPCAKE! sucks, people…don’t waste your time or your money.  If you live in Austin and would like to express your feelings about this scum-hole, go ahead and feel free to contact Wes right here!  Better yet, do like me and contact the The Cupcake Camper people and apologize for HEY CUPCAKE!  I am fairly certain that the only thing Mr. Hurt accomplished was more business for the Indiana establishment, and less for his own.  Way to go. 

update:  I went to the Cupcake Trailer’s facebook site, and it’s filled with Austin people expressing their disgust for HEY CUPCAKE!  (FUN!).  AND…sadly, the Indiana establishment has completely done away with their trailer.  Ridiculous.

While we are on the subject of local food trailers and what not, I will bring you the lastest story that has come out of greed.  Amy and Steve Simmons of Amy’s Ice Cream, and Tom Ramsey of Snappy Snacks are trying to tighten the leash on food trailer regulations which could ultimately put the trailers out of business.  You see, while they are certified and regulated, many people open the trailers as a way to serve cheaper food (no overhead) to a wide arrange of customers.  Bypassing “rent” (especially in this town), allows one to focus on the food at hand rather than how they are going to manage to attract customers and pay the bills.

One food trailer, Holy Cocao, responds here.  Let’s also go ahead and mention that Amy’s Ice Cream is wonderful and I hate that I can no longer visit due to this episode, but most importantly, Amy’s is what it is today because the residents of this town have allowed it to become representative of who we are.  We have embraced the idea and overpaid for ice cream for years.  This is how they repay us?  This town loves the food trailers.  Walking around during SXSW this year, the food trailers were a topic amongst many.  So popular indeed, that Anthony Bourdain’s “No Reservations” came here to do a segment on this phenomenom…  Now, I don’t know much about Snappy Snacks other than they have seen a decrease in business and they are not happy.  Snappy Snack mobile vendors, commonly referred to as The Roach Coach, are most seen around construction sites and manual labor hangouts feeding these men and women that get up before any other restaurants are open.  They are most definitely NOT feeding the same crowds that visit the majority of the stationary trailers. I can guarantee you that the Snappy Snacks vending vehicle does not include gourmet doughnuts, cuban sandwhiches, fresh kebabs, or a chicken cone!  Anyways, I will not be going to Amy’s (shame), or purchasing any food from a Snappy Snacks trailer.  Darn. 

I will leave you with these two gems, but know that I will return to speak of the local bad bar antics!  Hint:  I can no longer go to Lala’s either.  Sheesh, Austin, get your shit togethah!

Cheers to good eating and drinking,

GBJ

You know, I am kind of on the fence with this one. While I would never in a million years want to expose my “brown eye” to the world, I have a sneaking suspicion that these covers may just draw some unwanted attention to the anterior region. For whatever it’s worth, ETSY is a world of goodness!

I’m over it. Go find that shit somewhere else.

gbj