I hate to do this. I honestly hate to do this. There is (was) an airstream trailer on Congress Avenue in Austin, Texas. I wanted to go…never made it. It was quaint and shiny and had the beautiful, larger than life pink cupcake sitting on top of it…It’s Hey Cupcake!. A food trailer that sells cupcakes? Brilliant, I thought. Word around town was that they made the most perfect red velvet cupcake in all the land…Unfortunately, I never did get to walk up to that airstream trailer, and by not doing so, I am afraid that I missed out on the goodness. Due to zoning laws, or the sell of the land that the trailer rested on, not sure which it is, Hey Cupcake was relocated to a retail store front on Burnet Rd. If you have ever been to Austin then you know that Burnet Rd is filled with old vintage nostalgia such as the Top Notch Drive-in, where scenes from Dazed and Confused were filmed, and also the original Arby’s hat that is bigger than the restaurant itself, and lights up the night sky.

I was driving by on a Sunday and decided to stop in and see what all the fuss about. I knew exactly what I was gonna get…a red velvet cupcake!

The interior is sweet and pink…not unlike my strawberry shortcake lunch pail in elementary school, but that’s another story. I hastily peered up at the menu, and to my horror, this sweet dessert spot had a menu that consisted of four flavors of cupcakes and milk. FOUR? Well, hell, they must be good if they can make enough money off four flavors to pay the rent on this prime piece of property…

I ordered…one red velvet and one vanilla cake with chocolate icing. The service sucked and the people in front of me could not mkae up their minds….and they had a gaggle of dirty little income-suckers (kids) to make matters worse.

I finally received my order. The two cakes were packaged perfectly in a little white box with a sticker of an airstream bearing their namesake. Unfortunately, that box was the high point of my Hey Cupcake! experience.

The cakes were dry and over-cooked around the edges, and the icing was dry and begining to separate and turn gray. FUCKING NASTY!

So, the moral of the story here kids, is to not assume that just because the name of their prized product emblazens their advertising and calls out to you like a bowl of mash potatoes when you’re hungover, everything is not as it seems.

All in all, the cupcakes, the only thing on their menu, blow.

The End.