It’s no joke, kids…amigo and I like to get our food on!  Last night, my sweet man escorted me to see my foodie idol, Anthony Bourdain.  Now, I have seen him once before, this time in much better company, and he was great then as well, however, I do believe that I now have a much better understanding of him and what his food and his travels mean to him.  He knows his shit!  He applauded Bobby Flay, saying that he feels sorry for him because he is the food channel clown.  Flay keeps the network running while they pimp him out around the country doing “Throw Down with Bobby Flay”.  He’s right.  He says that vegetarian foodies have no right to travel and host food shows…I think he was pointing at YOU, Gwyneth Paltrow.  He has always touted Rachael Ray as being obnoxious – she is, and he claims the worst thing he has ever eaten in a Chicken McNugget.  (Brief tidbit:  In my house, we call Chicken McNuggets chicken boots, or chicken wheels.  Ever notice how every other nugget is shaped the same?  In a boot or in a wheel!  It makes me laugh…)  I wonder what the lawyers of McDonald’s would do if they heard Tony say that?  I guess nothing much, it’s not like the people who eat that shit have enough intelligence to comprehend the Travel Channel anyways.  Ps, Did you know that there are 38 ingredients in a McDonald’s Chicken McNugget?  That’s just plain fuckin wrong!   

Anyways, since being early to the show was priority for me, amigo and I decided to hit Hickory Street Bar and Grill for dinner.  MISTAKE!  This piece of shit is an Austin landmark…what the fuck for I can’t figure out, but it is.  I have been before for drinks on the patio, but that’s it.  The service was feeble, there was no salt on the table until my meal was nearly over, there were flies in the salad bar, and amigo’s cheesesteak that he ordered took FOREVER!  My drink was watered down, my lime was dry and barren and my baked potato was not cooked through and it was cold.  They pride themselves on this salad/soup/potato bar, so I went for it (I know, I know – budget world!).  Other than the fact that I was able to begin stuffing my pie hole immediately, there was not one shining moment for this disaster area.  Ground Zero.

From Hickory Street, we went to the Paramount Theater to pick up our tickets and realized we still had an hour to spare before the show.  We decided to pop into Austin’s oldest and most beautiful hotel, The Driskill, for a drink at their very fine bar.  The keeper was Scottish and supremely professional, and he knew how to make an excellent drink.  Hendrick’s and tonic with a lime, thank you.  We received our drinks and decided we would take a self-guided tour around the hotel.  AMAZING.  Amigo and I have vowed to go back for dinner…SOON! 

Anyways, the moral of the story, folks?  Go see Anthony Bourdain any chance you get, it was well worth my $10, DO NOT eat at Hickory Street Bar and Grill in Austin, Texas, and don’t even think about eating a chicken nugget, not even with a stranger’s mouth!  Finally, marry your partner if they like sharing moments like these with you.  Eating and drinking and laughing is such a wonderful way to live life!

That’s right girls and boys, now that “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” are filing for bankruptcy and the show is moving to Houston to film the southern girls and their mad bling and awful accents, and “Jon and Kate + Eight” is now just “Kate + Eight” (I’d rather stab myself in the eye), TLC is forced to come up with their next smashing success.  What did they choose?  Why, of course, they chose to film the lives of competitive, EXTREME dog (mainly poodle) groomers. 

Well, ok, I guess.  Whatever.  This is not my reality, but  I am sure there are some women in Palm Springs and Boca Raton that are gonna eat this shit up…and follow suit!

Ps, I am in the wrong business, kids.

The Good, the Bad, and the Juicy is not only a space for me to rave about the wonderful ins and outs of this city I call home, but as many of you know, it’s also a community bulletin board in which I express the good, the bad and the juicy about city-wide occurrences. 

A while back I brought to your attention a story about the HEY CUPCAKE! (owner – Wes Hurt) family in Austin bringing a law suit to a Noblesville, Indiana cupcake trailer by the name of The Cupcake Camper.  Apparently, HEY CUPCAKE! has decided to drop suit  because The Cupcake Camper has met many of the requirements set forth by HEY CUPCAKE!.  I have said it once and I will say it again.  How dare HEY CUPCAKE! sue a cupcake trailer in Indiana.  As if there were any possible way that the Inidana trailer was stealing their business.  Who cares if it looks similar, HEY CUPCAKE! should have taken this as a compliment!  It’s not possible for HEY CUPCAKE! to go national with their product because it’s overpriced and tastes like shit.  It’s dried out and sold for $2.50 ea in a boring and sterile store front (the tourists go to the trailer, not the locals).  Who do they think they are?  Not only that, but I personally went in and asked them (very professionally, with letter in hand) for a donation to a community event…they did not even have the decency to call me back or write and decline my request.  HEY CUPCAKE! sucks, people…don’t waste your time or your money.  If you live in Austin and would like to express your feelings about this scum-hole, go ahead and feel free to contact Wes right here!  Better yet, do like me and contact the The Cupcake Camper people and apologize for HEY CUPCAKE!  I am fairly certain that the only thing Mr. Hurt accomplished was more business for the Indiana establishment, and less for his own.  Way to go. 

update:  I went to the Cupcake Trailer’s facebook site, and it’s filled with Austin people expressing their disgust for HEY CUPCAKE!  (FUN!).  AND…sadly, the Indiana establishment has completely done away with their trailer.  Ridiculous.

While we are on the subject of local food trailers and what not, I will bring you the lastest story that has come out of greed.  Amy and Steve Simmons of Amy’s Ice Cream, and Tom Ramsey of Snappy Snacks are trying to tighten the leash on food trailer regulations which could ultimately put the trailers out of business.  You see, while they are certified and regulated, many people open the trailers as a way to serve cheaper food (no overhead) to a wide arrange of customers.  Bypassing “rent” (especially in this town), allows one to focus on the food at hand rather than how they are going to manage to attract customers and pay the bills.

One food trailer, Holy Cocao, responds here.  Let’s also go ahead and mention that Amy’s Ice Cream is wonderful and I hate that I can no longer visit due to this episode, but most importantly, Amy’s is what it is today because the residents of this town have allowed it to become representative of who we are.  We have embraced the idea and overpaid for ice cream for years.  This is how they repay us?  This town loves the food trailers.  Walking around during SXSW this year, the food trailers were a topic amongst many.  So popular indeed, that Anthony Bourdain’s “No Reservations” came here to do a segment on this phenomenom…  Now, I don’t know much about Snappy Snacks other than they have seen a decrease in business and they are not happy.  Snappy Snack mobile vendors, commonly referred to as The Roach Coach, are most seen around construction sites and manual labor hangouts feeding these men and women that get up before any other restaurants are open.  They are most definitely NOT feeding the same crowds that visit the majority of the stationary trailers. I can guarantee you that the Snappy Snacks vending vehicle does not include gourmet doughnuts, cuban sandwhiches, fresh kebabs, or a chicken cone!  Anyways, I will not be going to Amy’s (shame), or purchasing any food from a Snappy Snacks trailer.  Darn. 

I will leave you with these two gems, but know that I will return to speak of the local bad bar antics!  Hint:  I can no longer go to Lala’s either.  Sheesh, Austin, get your shit togethah!

Cheers to good eating and drinking,

GBJ

And in comes the damage control from BP Oil.  According to this article, the oil giant is trying  to pay off fishermen so they will not sue.  Of course they are.  And for anyone out there with any business sense what-so-ever, it makes sense.  It happens all the time.  

Come on people…why are you so surprised?  Of course they would try this scheme first.  the looming lawsuits could (and most likely, would) bankrupt them.  Duh.  And while I  do believe that there should have been more planning and DEFINITELY a crisis plan – the real people to blame our ourselves. 

We don’t want to be dependent on oil from the Middle East, we cant drill in Alaska, and now everyone is going to be against drilling in the Gulf.  Yet we still fly all over the world, drive single passenger cars to work, dismiss (Austin’s shitty) public transportation, and use petroleum in a plethora of other ways. 

How about everyone just go ahead and shut the fuck up and walk/ride your bike, stop wearing clothes, painting, purchasing and having records made, and stop using photographic films.  No?  Ok then, how about we go ahead stop fucking bitching and donate your time and energy to FIXING THE problem!  shit, people – for real…

I was fortunate enough to have a working lunch today with a wonderful woman - at Olivia.  Named, by Bon Appetit Magazine, as one of the Top Ten New Restaurants in America for 2009.

Upon walking in, I was delightfully greeted by a garden at the back of the building.  You know what that means…FRESH! (or at least it’s a good cover-up)  I met a friend who was already there and there was a carafe of cold water on the table ready for my semi-hungover ass to indulge in.  Perfect. 

 

Upon seating, the waiter brought over a small dish of divinely marinated olives.  Red olives too!  My lunch guest had the Seared Tuna and Beautiful Salad ($15) and it looked scrumptious.  Tuna was cooked rare and absolutely perfect.  Had I not been busy stuffing my dang pie hole, I would have tried it.  I had the (not on the menu) Heart of Romaine wedge salad ($7)…complete with heavenly tasso…and the Potato and Leek Vichyssoise ($8).  It was velvetty and creamy and drizzled with a perfect tad of Texas Olive Oil.  Who knew!

The service was pristine, the food outstanding, and the atmosphere rounded out a near perfect lunch escape! 

I hear they have a Brunch menu to rave about.  So, if you’re in the area, GO!

Thank you, Olivia, for such a wonderful experience,

GBJ

Howdy ya’ll! I realize that it has been a while since I promised that review on the Franklin BBQ trailer, so here goes. I have actually been twice now. And mind you, I am not the world’s biggest BBQ fan!

First of all, go only when you have plenty of time to stand in line.  For instance, an hour.  No shit.  Also, go early!  They usually clean house by 1:30.  The first time I went they ran out of everything except brisket…which was good for amigo.  They also ran out of sausage becase the fat fuck in front of us took the last six links.  Amigo told the guy at the window that it was obvious the fat-ass didn’t need anymore sausage.  Sadly, the employee had no response other than a quick glance at the floor.  (True story)  Also, they no longer carry the tempeh frito pie, which is what i went there to try!  BOO!  However, the guys at the counter said that I could request it’s reprise on Yelp because the owner follows religiously.  So, for all you veggies out there, go on and make that request!

You can oder by the pound, plate, or ala cart for all the meat items.  Note, the ribs are the first to go, always.  Both times I visited, they were out.  All the plates are under or $10.  Sides include (very spicy) beans, vinegar-based cole slaw, mayo potato salad, pickled jalepenos ($.35), white bread (racist), pickles and of course, sliced onion.  The sides are purchased by the pint, unless you get a plate, and the latter items are complimentary.  The drinks are semi over-priced, $2 for a Sweet Leaf, and $1 for soda and small bottled water. 

Here’s the kicker…ESPRESSO BBQ SAUCE!!!!!!  It’s homemade and very very tasty!  They also serve the usual sweet, hot, and pork sauces as well. 

If you’re ever in the area and have a couple of extra hours on hand and hungry belly, it’s definitely worth the wait.  Seating is family style around picnic tables, so you are sure to meet some interesting folk.  My favorite part?  Both times I was there it was about 11am and people were already drinking!  It’s BYOB, kids.  Come prepared! 

Happy Hump Day,

GBJ

 

First I will begin by saying that I am newly obsessed with The Great Outdoors Nursery and the cafe that also sits on the property, The Garden District.  I like to go for lunch because it’s right by my office and makes for a mini-vacay in the middle of my otherwise stressful (what a joke) day. 

My first visit was solely with plants in mind.  They have a wonderful selection of natives, herbs, annuals, perennials, statues, pottery, seeds, gifts, organic yard care – you name it!  Not to mention that the staff is positively splendid and knowledgable .

My first visit to the cafe was earlier this week.  I needed some rooting hormone for some rose clippings I acquired over the weekend, and I knew that I also wanted to try the cafe. 

I found the auxin (and subsequently a Spiderwort !!) and headed to the cafe for a vegetarian sandwich – humus, avocado, tomato, lettuce, onion, etc, on a fresh warm roll with provolone cheese.  Best of all?  It had no SPROUTS!  Fuck sprouts!  Salmonella and E.coli?  None for me, thanks!  The sandwich came with tortilla chips and a very fresh salsa and a free iced peach oolong tea – all for $7.10.  Not to mention that St. Edward’s students and staff get 10% off…as we should because we pay out the mother-fuckin nose for that shit!

Anyways, I need lunch today so I am going to go back and try out their self proclaimed “best empanadas in town”.  That’s pretty damn ballsy of them considering they are housed right next door to one of the only Cuban eateries in town.  Ok, maybe not so ballsy as Habana can suck my dick…that shit ain’t real Cuban food.

Also, when I was there earlier this week, the lady in the nursery informed me that they were supposed to be getting in a new shipment of Blue Mist (which attracts mad butterflies – especially the queens, monarchs, and snout nosed varieties) and milkweed, which is yet another bush to attract the flutterbys!  I need more plants like a need a new liver, er, i mean hole in the head, BUT….I just can’t stop myself.  I want to propagate some more too…spread the beauty of mother nature!

Happy “Little Friday”, readers!

xo,

GBJ

Update:  Me and the lunch time gang did indeed revisit the cafe today.  I could not be swayed from the veggie sandwich, but I did manage to try a beef empanada.  Best in town?  Not a chance.  None-the-less, it was good.  A bit too sweet for my liking, as I prefer my meat pockets to be savory, but it was good.  The lunch crowd agreed.  Best empanadas in my book are the empanada trailer that was downtown during SXSW, and Buenos Aires Cafe.  (Don’t get me started on their pasilla pepper/dark chocolate creme brulee…mmmmmm)

One last thing – a review of Franklin BBQ and Antonelli’s Cheese Shop will go live this weekend…I need to find the cord for the camera -> computer transaction.  meh.

Um….where do i begin? Woke up this morning to the tv telling me that the pope has been covering up child molestation for years. Am I surprised? No. Is there any justification? Um, fuck no.

“I am the Lord, Your God! You shall have no other Gods before me…”

Really? People believe in this shit? How is this possible? I am just confused, saddened, empathetic, appalled, and sorry that I ever even tried to believe. It doesn’t make any sense. None.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/04/04/vatican.antisemitism.apology/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/02/us.vatican.reform/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/04/02/vatican.antisemitism/index.html

I am so angry that my parents tried to shove this shit down my throat as a child. Yeah, I know you’re reading this Dad, and yeah, I think that you don’t have to have religion and god in your life to be a good person. Religion abuses children, the poor, the sick, the elderly, the lost, and the broken. I am none of those, and most importantly I would never listen to anyone that tells that I need to listen to them. The Bible was set into place as means for civil obedience. It has nothing to do with the “soul”. One last thing…fuck heaven, fuck hell. It’s a joke. Come on, immaculate conception, rising from the dead, walking on water? Gimme whatever those people were on!

Happy Easter!

and ps, I believe not in the devil, either…so there.

and one last thing, per amigo…for all you boys goin to church today, you may want to be prepared…

A: AUSTIN!  My most favorite “celebrity” chef…i use that term lightly, is in town for a speaking event, a book signing, and he is also filming an episode for his Travel Channel morsel of righteousness, No Reservations!  I saw him speak about two years ago and it was one of the most memorable events of my lifetime…so far.  All twenty six years of my life on this planet.

Anywhoooo, this year his show sold out in two shakes of a lamb’s tail and were subsequently being sold to idiot fans on craigslist for $400…EACH! No fuckin way I’d be getting away with that one. So I decide to sit back and see if I could virtually stalk him with the help of my friend’s and their social networking addictions. (Of which I have zero offense to as I am currently at the office…and blogging)

Last night Tony stopped in at Eastside Kings (a late night Asian fusion trailer with, ah hem, a FULL bar – I fucking love this town), this afternoon he filmed a show at a south Austin food trailer, Gourdough’s Donuts, and tomorrow he is set to eat at newly erected Franklin BBQ.  All trailers!  Austin has a ton of them and they just keep ’em comin…which is fine by me!  I have never been to the places listed above, so I have my work cut out for me!

I made an attempt to go see Anthony film this afternoon.  I had a helluva time driving and looking for the addresses, so after texting a friend for logistical help, and receiving her return text stating that it was packed and there were too many hipsters in line, I suddenly remembered a very memorable moment from SXSW 2010! 

The GLITTERBILLIES , original rap, are Gadi Gaster, a Hebrew/Mexican HOTTIE, and DJ Dylan Camero, equally hot, but I prefer dark meat…and they have two songs that I simply adore…The Riverside Slide and Hipstirs.  Please Please check them out here!

How did we end up here?  Cuz it’s true…..hipters are all over my town!

Ugh, where to start. Wednesday, St Patty’s Day, ( I don’t have a lick of Irish in me, but they do make fabulous whiskey) was a night thing because I had to work all day. After work I went downtown and drank my face off by myself, well, not by myself – with the other 120,000 people there (and the verizon network). I was rollin solo and decided to fake an English accent in order to get free drinks. Guess what, it worked! I weaseled my way into someone’s audio interview and then decided to head home, work @ 7am on Thursday was quite painful.

Thursday – I got off work at 3:30 and hung out with my homegirls (i love you guys). They drink whiskey, we are the hot mess express. That night I saw The Gary, GLITTERBILLIES, The XX, The Great Nostalgic, and a Memphis Rap showcase – including Lord T and Eloise…who I fucking adore! I got some heart to heart in with my girl LA Cameron and that was precious. Ate dinner that night at a sandwich trailer. I love trailers.

Friday – Baby Robots played at the Leisure Tourniquet Equinox Mish Mash day show…my girl Henna scored me free pair of Keen shoes and I drank waaaaay too much beer. Mind you, it was only 2pm. Went home to welcome my parents. They came in because Friday night I sang with the legendary ST 37, who played with Houston’s Rusted Shut and Future Blondes, and Japan’s Acid Mothers Temple. I think all of my friends were there, it was insane. (Ella – where the hell were you?) I was positively hammered, but kept my shit together to get work done!

Saturday – I got a very very late start, 8:30pm. I drove to my friend’s record store, Trailer Space, and left car there and hoofed it downtown. It was cold as fuck, but a beautiful night none-the-less. Got downtown about 10, gave Wendy some warm clothes, and then headed to the “bounce” showcase at Submerged. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, “Bounce” is a new, to me, genre of music out of New Orleans that is African American transvestite rappers. (You know – like those ST 37 old fuckers that have been playing since ’87, but people are just figuring it out) And holy hell, Katey Red was HOT! Also saw Bowling for Soup – I am so not into them, but they did an improv audience karaoke deal at the end of their show that was super fun. And, they have fun and they are pros, so I respect their craft. Katie (not sure about this first name) Flay was rad. Solo act. And now…I’m tired. My honey couldn’t remember where he parked (this is not the first time, mind you) so we walked around the parking garage for far too long. However, I had some stickers on hand so I decided to decorate some cars. So, if you were rollin in a BMW station wagon this weekend…and you find a “Defend New Orleans” sticker on your car. Yes, that was me, and yes, you are welcome!

Oh wait – I forgot to mention that there were two people FUCKING on stage at the trannie show, they got kicked out…and I got a fabulous story. I did not see cuz I’m so god damned short, but…still. Food, eh…I was infatuated with the empanada trailer earlier in the week, but to be honest – after all the recreational indulgence I encountered over the past 6 days…not all that interested! SXSW, you have done me right yet again. I’m getting too old for this shit.

Who sucked: (bands not to waste your cheese on) – She and Him, he who is talented and she who needs to stick with her day job.  Broken Bells – er, boring combo.  Hey Dangermouse, you lucked out with Gnarls Barkley – don’t push your luck, pal.  The XX – heard it about five years ago, it’s called My Morning Jacket.  Surfer Blood – rich Florida parents = even if you suck you can still be famous…sigh.  Cymbals Eat Guitars – Hey Joe, you ripped off my friend Matt and he plays in my garage for free.

That being said, I still wasted my time watching all these assholes…and I plan to do it again next year!