Um….where do i begin? Woke up this morning to the tv telling me that the pope has been covering up child molestation for years. Am I surprised? No. Is there any justification? Um, fuck no.

“I am the Lord, Your God! You shall have no other Gods before me…”

Really? People believe in this shit? How is this possible? I am just confused, saddened, empathetic, appalled, and sorry that I ever even tried to believe. It doesn’t make any sense. None.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/04/04/vatican.antisemitism.apology/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/02/us.vatican.reform/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/04/02/vatican.antisemitism/index.html

I am so angry that my parents tried to shove this shit down my throat as a child. Yeah, I know you’re reading this Dad, and yeah, I think that you don’t have to have religion and god in your life to be a good person. Religion abuses children, the poor, the sick, the elderly, the lost, and the broken. I am none of those, and most importantly I would never listen to anyone that tells that I need to listen to them. The Bible was set into place as means for civil obedience. It has nothing to do with the “soul”. One last thing…fuck heaven, fuck hell. It’s a joke. Come on, immaculate conception, rising from the dead, walking on water? Gimme whatever those people were on!

Happy Easter!

and ps, I believe not in the devil, either…so there.

and one last thing, per amigo…for all you boys goin to church today, you may want to be prepared…

A: AUSTIN!  My most favorite “celebrity” chef…i use that term lightly, is in town for a speaking event, a book signing, and he is also filming an episode for his Travel Channel morsel of righteousness, No Reservations!  I saw him speak about two years ago and it was one of the most memorable events of my lifetime…so far.  All twenty six years of my life on this planet.

Anywhoooo, this year his show sold out in two shakes of a lamb’s tail and were subsequently being sold to idiot fans on craigslist for $400…EACH! No fuckin way I’d be getting away with that one. So I decide to sit back and see if I could virtually stalk him with the help of my friend’s and their social networking addictions. (Of which I have zero offense to as I am currently at the office…and blogging)

Last night Tony stopped in at Eastside Kings (a late night Asian fusion trailer with, ah hem, a FULL bar – I fucking love this town), this afternoon he filmed a show at a south Austin food trailer, Gourdough’s Donuts, and tomorrow he is set to eat at newly erected Franklin BBQ.  All trailers!  Austin has a ton of them and they just keep ’em comin…which is fine by me!  I have never been to the places listed above, so I have my work cut out for me!

I made an attempt to go see Anthony film this afternoon.  I had a helluva time driving and looking for the addresses, so after texting a friend for logistical help, and receiving her return text stating that it was packed and there were too many hipsters in line, I suddenly remembered a very memorable moment from SXSW 2010! 

The GLITTERBILLIES , original rap, are Gadi Gaster, a Hebrew/Mexican HOTTIE, and DJ Dylan Camero, equally hot, but I prefer dark meat…and they have two songs that I simply adore…The Riverside Slide and Hipstirs.  Please Please check them out here!

How did we end up here?  Cuz it’s true…..hipters are all over my town!

Ugh, where to start. Wednesday, St Patty’s Day, ( I don’t have a lick of Irish in me, but they do make fabulous whiskey) was a night thing because I had to work all day. After work I went downtown and drank my face off by myself, well, not by myself – with the other 120,000 people there (and the verizon network). I was rollin solo and decided to fake an English accent in order to get free drinks. Guess what, it worked! I weaseled my way into someone’s audio interview and then decided to head home, work @ 7am on Thursday was quite painful.

Thursday – I got off work at 3:30 and hung out with my homegirls (i love you guys). They drink whiskey, we are the hot mess express. That night I saw The Gary, GLITTERBILLIES, The XX, The Great Nostalgic, and a Memphis Rap showcase – including Lord T and Eloise…who I fucking adore! I got some heart to heart in with my girl LA Cameron and that was precious. Ate dinner that night at a sandwich trailer. I love trailers.

Friday – Baby Robots played at the Leisure Tourniquet Equinox Mish Mash day show…my girl Henna scored me free pair of Keen shoes and I drank waaaaay too much beer. Mind you, it was only 2pm. Went home to welcome my parents. They came in because Friday night I sang with the legendary ST 37, who played with Houston’s Rusted Shut and Future Blondes, and Japan’s Acid Mothers Temple. I think all of my friends were there, it was insane. (Ella – where the hell were you?) I was positively hammered, but kept my shit together to get work done!

Saturday – I got a very very late start, 8:30pm. I drove to my friend’s record store, Trailer Space, and left car there and hoofed it downtown. It was cold as fuck, but a beautiful night none-the-less. Got downtown about 10, gave Wendy some warm clothes, and then headed to the “bounce” showcase at Submerged. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, “Bounce” is a new, to me, genre of music out of New Orleans that is African American transvestite rappers. (You know – like those ST 37 old fuckers that have been playing since ’87, but people are just figuring it out) And holy hell, Katey Red was HOT! Also saw Bowling for Soup – I am so not into them, but they did an improv audience karaoke deal at the end of their show that was super fun. And, they have fun and they are pros, so I respect their craft. Katie (not sure about this first name) Flay was rad. Solo act. And now…I’m tired. My honey couldn’t remember where he parked (this is not the first time, mind you) so we walked around the parking garage for far too long. However, I had some stickers on hand so I decided to decorate some cars. So, if you were rollin in a BMW station wagon this weekend…and you find a “Defend New Orleans” sticker on your car. Yes, that was me, and yes, you are welcome!

Oh wait – I forgot to mention that there were two people FUCKING on stage at the trannie show, they got kicked out…and I got a fabulous story. I did not see cuz I’m so god damned short, but…still. Food, eh…I was infatuated with the empanada trailer earlier in the week, but to be honest – after all the recreational indulgence I encountered over the past 6 days…not all that interested! SXSW, you have done me right yet again. I’m getting too old for this shit.

Who sucked: (bands not to waste your cheese on) – She and Him, he who is talented and she who needs to stick with her day job.  Broken Bells – er, boring combo.  Hey Dangermouse, you lucked out with Gnarls Barkley – don’t push your luck, pal.  The XX – heard it about five years ago, it’s called My Morning Jacket.  Surfer Blood – rich Florida parents = even if you suck you can still be famous…sigh.  Cymbals Eat Guitars – Hey Joe, you ripped off my friend Matt and he plays in my garage for free.

That being said, I still wasted my time watching all these assholes…and I plan to do it again next year!

So today begins the official start of the SXSW music portion of the nine-day festival! I can’t find anyone to join me tonight as most of my friends are either working early tomorrow, or they are already shitfaced (2:02pm) and celebrating this day…

So, I have decided that I will brave these crowds alone and hope to run into some familiar faces. I have an artists wristband this year so I am going to beat it up! You never know when these opportunities will come again.
In order to make my evening interesting I am going to run home after work and retrieve my camera. I have decided that today I will pretend that I am from England and speak to every stranger I run in to with an accent. Yep, straight off the boat and right to SXSW. I kind of can’t wait! It’s not everyday that one is able to manipulate your accent (and other humans) and get away with it!

Following is what is on my agenda for the afternoon and evening -

When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth – Austin
Horse + Donkey (Is Jamie back from Chi-town, anyone) – Austin
Torche – FLA
Suzanne Vega
Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings
Broken Bells
Ume
Beaches
The Coathangers
Thsoe Darlins
The Great Nostalgic (love you, rachel)
Coma in Algiers
Bun B
Here We Go Magic
The Unthanks

…and there are more on the east side @ the free, unoffical SXSW venues. Which by the way are better anyways becasue they lure you in with free food and BOOZE. So, strap on those boots and spurs, lil doggie – it’s about to get crazy!

A lil ditty from “the friend” that I told you about earlier…he called me “irrepressible”…and here is his response to my post. (I love you Marco, really, I do)…
“Was going to post this on your blog, but it appears “comments” have been disabled. Whoever was the dickhole that called you “irrepressible”, if you see that person, you should punch them in the brain. I can find a better, more descriptive, and flattering adjective. I’ll run through the list of synonyms on the dictionary site you referenced. Let’s see.

- effervescent: Now I know you’re a lady, and quite attractive I might add (I’m not hitting on you – you’re engaged), it seems applicable, but that word is just gay. Johnny Weir is effervescent.
- boisterous: If you have trouble controlling the volume of your voice, then yes, otherwise No.
- bubbling: Like a sorority girl. No.
- buoyant: Water has nothing to do with this.
- ebullient: Makes me think of consommé for some reason.
- enthusiastic: Who isn’t.
- insuppressible: unsuppress… insuppressible? Doesn’t sound right. No.
- rhapsodical: ??? Stupid. No.
- tumultuous: The times we live in are tumultuous, not you.
- uncontrollable = irrepressible. No.
- unmanageable: like an employee? No. Like a diva? Maybe. Nah.
- unquenchable: Doesn’t that mean you’re thirsty? No.
- vivacious: I’m gonna skip this one. Just can’t think of anything.

Oh wait! I missed one. And here it is – Rebellious. With a capital R. The very look of the word is aesthetically pleasing. It sounds defiant. Rebellious. Like a protest march Rebellious. Like a clenched fist raised high Rebellious. Like Tiananmen Square Rebellious. If a column of tanks was bearing down on you, you’d stand your ground Rebellious. That is it. That’s the word. So what do you think? Does it work? No need for a lengthy reply. A yes or no will suffice. Night, night. : ) ”

I told him two words…that he rules.

You know, I am kind of on the fence with this one. While I would never in a million years want to expose my “brown eye” to the world, I have a sneaking suspicion that these covers may just draw some unwanted attention to the anterior region. For whatever it’s worth, ETSY is a world of goodness!

I would like to begin by saying that this place should be packed next week for SXSW, however, with the amount of cocaine that is consumed during those four days, I’d be impressed if they stayed marginally steady. Once the locals have succumbed to sleep and quiet – it will be packed again, assured!

Occupying the former Waterloo Icehouse location @ 6th and Lamar, sits a lovely modern day 24 hour diner. Much better than that little shit hole down the road, anyways. I had the chicken and waffles and it was fabulous. Perfectly crispy chicken breasts sitting atop a just-sweet-enough homemade belgium waffle, too good to be true. When the maple bourbon butter (yeah, i said it), chicken fried morsels, and syrup all combined, it was a little slice of food heaven. Amigo had the breakfast platter and it was just as divine, (and yeah, while it should be rather simple to make a good breakfast, some joints just can’t seem to do it right. Case in point: The Omelettry. They manage to fuck up their namesake, what a shame).  Anywhoo, the potatoes were tiny chopped homefries and seasoned to perfection, the small plate of fruit was fresh and did not taste checmical-laden, the bacon was perfectly crisped and the eggs looked alright…for someone that does not like eggs.

The 24 Diner also partakes in Austin’s favorite hobby of drinking with a Tuesday night Pint Night which boasts 1/2 off all draft beers (Fireman’s 4, Full Moon, Pale Ale, Brooklyn Lager, and many others) from 10pm until midnight.

This hot spot warms my heart with their Wednesday Wine night as well. 1/2 price on all of the diner’s self proclaimed “eclectic wine list” wines as well as 1/2 off select bottles, also from 5pm until midnight.

I don’t say this very often, but it’s a must. Check out the full menu here.

F9

To go through relationships rapidly, to be promiscuous.

Derives from Chatroulette, where the F9 key brings another chat-partner up.
Dude 1: “I was thinking of trying to start a long-term devoted relationship with Maria.”

Dude 1: “Not gonna happen. She straight F9s dudes.”

First and foremost, sometimes when I am at work and I feel like I need a little break, I will turn to Post Secret…Some days it makes me smile, and other days, like today, it just makes me cry.  It makes me realize how much sadness, hurt, and heavy hearts walk around me everyday.  I keep reading, it makes me want to be a better person.  When I was in high school there was a kid that sat next to me for two years in Latin…not many people take Latin, so it wasn’t unusual that all four years contained basically the same students…anyways, my sophmore year, his junior year – i had the biggest crush on him.  I looked at him one day (it was Halloween) in class and he just seemed like something was bothering him.  I remember wanting to just say hello, but I was too shy.  There was a big party that night.  The next morning I got to class, everyone was in tears, I looked at his desk and he was not there.  He shot himself after the party the night before.  I know that it’s not my fault that he did that, but to think that I saw something in him…I could tell that he was hurting…and I did nothing.  It was a lesson for a lot of people in many different ways.  I learned that next time I sense someone is sad and lost, I will reach out. 

A friend of mine emailed me today to congratulate me on my recent engagement.  He said, “Well, if your man is as seemingly as irrepressible as you are, then I am sure you make a dynamic duo”.  What the fuck is that supposed to mean?  I am a busy person, yes, I like to get my party on, yes, but I am also a responsible human being.  I work 40 hours a week, I am in grad school, I make sure there is money in the bank and that the bills get paid and the cats get fed….and on and on and on.  No, I don’t like it when someone tells me what to do, and if they do I will most often not do what they say, or do the opposite of what they tell me to do, because there is only one person that has control of me.  ME!  What a novel concept.  Live your life, be a good person, repsect and love the people around you, and follow your own heart and head.  To have control of yourself is the ultimate freedom.

I am so aggravated that I can hardly think of anything to write. I will start by saying that I am semi disgusted (semi) with myself that I even give enough of a fuck to give this asshole any of my time. I believe that the only reason I do, is because a friend of a friend just happened to be in the right place at the right time during all this bullshit, and for his sake, i hope something happens for him!!! Go Trey Go!

So yes, someone (else) is pissed they have to pay taxes…read the story here if you are so inclined, because I am tired of talking about it…just about as tired as I am of paying my taxes.  But come on…he claimed lives of the innocent, people who just showed up to work…the owner, pilot, and bastard that burned his house down…left a son and wife behind…and then flew his little piece of shit plane into a building that could have been filled with people who don’t give two shits about this loser…ugh, I’m so mad.  In Austin?  No one’s safe!

Out of this tragedy there is light.  My BFF has a friend that lives here in Austin that I just met a few weeks ago…a photog, apparently.  He happened to be in just the right spots…and have his camera with him, because his photos are now major staples all over the interweb!  His name is Trey Jones.  You can either google him or look here for a sample of the work he did today!  He went from local to the cover of TIME.com in hours!

Out of every tragedy stems beauty…it’s true.  I wish Trey the best, and if nothing else, his fifteen minutes rose from the ashes of a very unfortunate event.  I spent the majority of my day following which site…The AP/Statesman/Yahoo…his photos would show up on next.  Last I heard, he was celebrating by eating girl scout cookies and sharing them with office-mates.  There are wonderful, beautiful souls left in this crazy world…you don’t even have to look too far to find them, and am comforted by that.

On a much lighter note, and if any of you give a shit – tiger woods plans to make his first, post-turkey-day- mayhem statement tomorrow.  can you say – “publicity stunt”?

Honestly, I could care less what he has to say.  As far as I’m concerned he always has been a weird golf robot alien, and whatever apologies he needs to make should go to his family.  Not the public.  Take your giant pile of gold you greedy leprechaun and move on.  you’re good…as long as you pay your taxes!!!!!!!!