not kidding.  i have this killer new analytics software that tracks my viewers worldwide (by zip code, CRAZY)  It’s pretty fuckin cool.

anyways, Hey Canada…tell your friends, dude…jeez.

hearts,

GBJ

SXSW
Thursday March 19th
11 noon - 12:30 pm Carpark Records
Adventure
Ear Pwr
Lesser Gonzalez Alvarez
1 to 5pm SC Distribution
1pm - We Were Promised Jetpacks (FatCat Records/ Glasgow)
2pm - DM Stith (Asthmatic Kitty)
3pm - Desolation Wilderness (K Records)
4pm - Odawas (Jagjaguwar)
5pm - Maserati (Temporary Residence Ltd.)

Friday March 20th
1pm - Eat Skull (Siltbreeze)
2pm - Crystal Stilts (Slumberland)
3pm - Gary War (shdwply records)
4pm - Cursive (Saddle Creek)
5pm - Homosexuals (UK)

Saturday March 21th
11am - It’s Casual (Southern Lord)
12noon - Eagle Twin (Southern Lord)
1pm - Donkeys (Dead Oceans)
2pm - Renderers (New Zealand)
3pm - Tiny Vipers (Sub Pop)
4-6 TBA

Sunday March 22nd
2:30pm - Powell St John (Tompkins Square)
3:00pm - Frank Fairfield (Tompkins Square)
4:00pm - Wooden Birds (Barsuk)

No questions asked, kids.  just go!

Stay tuned for regular updates and photos of the madness.  I will be posting from rehab…

Well its about fuckin time! The coffee shop is located in a prime location. Conveniently situated between hipsters, yuppies, and transients…E. 38th 1/2 in French Place. I had forever refused to go in there because as Quacks, the food sucked (tacos, pastries, and whatnots), the coffee was ick…not only did it taste burnt and old, every time I went in to get my own personal slice of heaven (a cafe mocha), it tasted like shit!

Much to my shagrin, I went in to get a coffee when I saw the new sign had been erected (i like erections).  I inquired with the total fucking asshole behind the counter about the future of this little gem. (Yes, he was rude…) There are new owners, they have already started carrying a different brand of coffee, and they are set to improve (thank allah) the food menu. They are open later (until 10pm), and they have good beer and beer specials. There is a lovely patio in the fenced back yard that would be perfect for bands, but unfortunately, on my visits I see nothing but kids. echk, kids…

So, I will go back once I can trust that these changes have been made and I will happily order myself a cafe mocha from some dickhead that stayed up too late the night before.

Sigh…some things will never change.

3/6 update:  I drove by the coffeehouse tonight and they have erected a new sign that says…”REAL FOOD”.  I guess someone caught my drift!

That’s right, I got sucked in. Bridgette just left for a four month trip around the world to report on the best beaches in the world. She’s crying. Ah hem.

Kendra is moving out and into a “mini mansion”. This is gonna be the first time she has ever lived on her own. I smell a spin off. It smells like shit.

And Holly, poor Holly, the Jen Aniston of the mansion. She is rethinking her destiny. As far as I know to date, she is engaged to/fucking/married to/dating/ wannabe magician, Criss Angel. Apprently, she did not rethink that destiny too thoroughly.

Sigh…………..

I hate to do this. I honestly hate to do this. There is (was) an airstream trailer on Congress Avenue in Austin, Texas. I wanted to go…never made it. It was quaint and shiny and had the beautiful, larger than life pink cupcake sitting on top of it…It’s Hey Cupcake!. A food trailer that sells cupcakes? Brilliant, I thought. Word around town was that they made the most perfect red velvet cupcake in all the land…Unfortunately, I never did get to walk up to that airstream trailer, and by not doing so, I am afraid that I missed out on the goodness. Due to zoning laws, or the sell of the land that the trailer rested on, not sure which it is, Hey Cupcake was relocated to a retail store front on Burnet Rd. If you have ever been to Austin then you know that Burnet Rd is filled with old vintage nostalgia such as the Top Notch Drive-in, where scenes from Dazed and Confused were filmed, and also the original Arby’s hat that is bigger than the restaurant itself, and lights up the night sky.

I was driving by on a Sunday and decided to stop in and see what all the fuss about. I knew exactly what I was gonna get…a red velvet cupcake!

The interior is sweet and pink…not unlike my strawberry shortcake lunch pail in elementary school, but that’s another story. I hastily peered up at the menu, and to my horror, this sweet dessert spot had a menu that consisted of four flavors of cupcakes and milk. FOUR? Well, hell, they must be good if they can make enough money off four flavors to pay the rent on this prime piece of property…

I ordered…one red velvet and one vanilla cake with chocolate icing. The service sucked and the people in front of me could not mkae up their minds….and they had a gaggle of dirty little income-suckers (kids) to make matters worse.

I finally received my order. The two cakes were packaged perfectly in a little white box with a sticker of an airstream bearing their namesake. Unfortunately, that box was the high point of my Hey Cupcake! experience.

The cakes were dry and over-cooked around the edges, and the icing was dry and begining to separate and turn gray. FUCKING NASTY!

So, the moral of the story here kids, is to not assume that just because the name of their prized product emblazens their advertising and calls out to you like a bowl of mash potatoes when you’re hungover, everything is not as it seems.

All in all, the cupcakes, the only thing on their menu, blow.

The End.

Back in business, motherfuckers! I was out of commission for a while, but Ashton has fixed the problem and for now…you guys can read what all has been on my mind! Ah oh, let the hatin begin!!!!!!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie looking good as usual.

I totally stole the picture and the text from IDLYITW, but fuck it. I am at work and busy…painting my nails.

“The women in Tom Cruise’s life seem to have the gift that keeps on giving. In the past week, both Cruise’s ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, and his current one, Katie Holmes (above), have been photographed with cold sores on their lips. Cold sores, also known as oral herpes or herpes labialis, are transmitted very easily from one kisser to another. Reps for Cruise, Kidman and Holmes didn’t return e-mails.”