That’s right, I got sucked in. Bridgette just left for a four month trip around the world to report on the best beaches in the world. She’s crying. Ah hem.

Kendra is moving out and into a “mini mansion”. This is gonna be the first time she has ever lived on her own. I smell a spin off. It smells like shit.

And Holly, poor Holly, the Jen Aniston of the mansion. She is rethinking her destiny. As far as I know to date, she is engaged to/fucking/married to/dating/ wannabe magician, Criss Angel. Apprently, she did not rethink that destiny too thoroughly.

Sigh…………..

I hate to do this. I honestly hate to do this. There is (was) an airstream trailer on Congress Avenue in Austin, Texas. I wanted to go…never made it. It was quaint and shiny and had the beautiful, larger than life pink cupcake sitting on top of it…It’s Hey Cupcake!. A food trailer that sells cupcakes? Brilliant, I thought. Word around town was that they made the most perfect red velvet cupcake in all the land…Unfortunately, I never did get to walk up to that airstream trailer, and by not doing so, I am afraid that I missed out on the goodness. Due to zoning laws, or the sell of the land that the trailer rested on, not sure which it is, Hey Cupcake was relocated to a retail store front on Burnet Rd. If you have ever been to Austin then you know that Burnet Rd is filled with old vintage nostalgia such as the Top Notch Drive-in, where scenes from Dazed and Confused were filmed, and also the original Arby’s hat that is bigger than the restaurant itself, and lights up the night sky.

I was driving by on a Sunday and decided to stop in and see what all the fuss about. I knew exactly what I was gonna get…a red velvet cupcake!

The interior is sweet and pink…not unlike my strawberry shortcake lunch pail in elementary school, but that’s another story. I hastily peered up at the menu, and to my horror, this sweet dessert spot had a menu that consisted of four flavors of cupcakes and milk. FOUR? Well, hell, they must be good if they can make enough money off four flavors to pay the rent on this prime piece of property…

I ordered…one red velvet and one vanilla cake with chocolate icing. The service sucked and the people in front of me could not mkae up their minds….and they had a gaggle of dirty little income-suckers (kids) to make matters worse.

I finally received my order. The two cakes were packaged perfectly in a little white box with a sticker of an airstream bearing their namesake. Unfortunately, that box was the high point of my Hey Cupcake! experience.

The cakes were dry and over-cooked around the edges, and the icing was dry and begining to separate and turn gray. FUCKING NASTY!

So, the moral of the story here kids, is to not assume that just because the name of their prized product emblazens their advertising and calls out to you like a bowl of mash potatoes when you’re hungover, everything is not as it seems.

All in all, the cupcakes, the only thing on their menu, blow.

The End.

Back in business, motherfuckers! I was out of commission for a while, but Ashton has fixed the problem and for now…you guys can read what all has been on my mind! Ah oh, let the hatin begin!!!!!!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie looking good as usual.

I totally stole the picture and the text from IDLYITW, but fuck it. I am at work and busy…painting my nails.

“The women in Tom Cruise’s life seem to have the gift that keeps on giving. In the past week, both Cruise’s ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, and his current one, Katie Holmes (above), have been photographed with cold sores on their lips. Cold sores, also known as oral herpes or herpes labialis, are transmitted very easily from one kisser to another. Reps for Cruise, Kidman and Holmes didn’t return e-mails.”

This is from the Austin American Statesman, our local news rag. Please take a moment to read about this incredible person and reflect on your own sorry life and how bad you really have it…

GBJ
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Thursday, December 18, 2008

For nearly two decades, Jennifer Gale was an Austin fixture — the eccentric, homeless, transgendered eternal political hopeful who ran for offices that ranged from mayor to school board member to U.S. representative.

Known for her knowledge of local politics, she often mixed songs with her messages to government leaders, singing anything from pop tunes to classics to, more recently, Christmas carols. In what would be her last public appearance, Gale serenaded the city’s public health and human services subcommittee Tuesday with “Silent Night.”

Early Wednesday, Gale, 48, was found dead outside the Central Austin church where she commonly slept. A worker called 911 after noticing that Gale showed signs of distress. Austin firefighters at a nearby station performed CPR for more than 30 minutes before declaring Gale dead.

Authorities said they do not suspect foul play and are investigating whether the night’s cold weather — temperatures dropped to the mid-30s — contributed to Gale’s death. An autopsy is pending.

“(Jennifer) had a true passion for Austin and worked, in her own unique way, to make the city she loved more vibrant, caring, and of course, weird,” Mayor Will Wynn said. “She was an Austin original and she will be missed.”

She was a current candidate in Austin’s mayoral race next spring.

To many, Gale’s position as one of Austin’s most colorful people reflects what makes the city special: How it rolls out its welcome mat to the offbeat, often hoisting such personalities to local celebrity status.

But privately, Gale often dealt with harsh realities.

She frequently talked to longtime friend Mary Lu Walter about living without a home, particularly in hot or cold weather. For several years, Gale slept in a park behind Austin Fire Station 3 on 30th Street, or near the door of First English Lutheran Church at 3001 Whitis Avenue, where she was found Wednesday.

Former City Manager Toby Futrell recalled Wednesday how Gale took sponge baths in City Hall restrooms or in city-run recreation centers.

Friends and other acquaintances said she also struggled at times with others not identifying her as a woman, often leading to ridicule from strangers.

Futrell said that several years ago, a city worker insisted on calling Gale a “he” and that Gale reported it to city council members. The grievance landed on Futrell’s desk, and she negotiated a deal between Gale and the staff member in which the two would call each other by their first names.

“She fought for her own dignity and her identity,” Futrell said. “She stood up for herself.”

Gale, a native of Madison, Wis., whose Web site said she served in the U.S. Marines, arrived in Austin in the early 1990s and quickly began running for public office.

Futrell said she watched for years as Gale sought numerous political positions and lost, and how those losses seemed to motivate Gale to seek a higher office. Gale, who lived in Dallas several years, also ran for political positions in that city, including mayor.

“When she ran, she truly ran because she believed that she could effect change,” she said. “That there were things that could be better — better treatment for folks, better housing opportunities, better health care.”

Walter said she met Gale several years ago and sometimes gave Gale money or invited her to spend the night at her house. Gale frequently declined and said she’d rather live independently, Walter said.

On Tuesday, Gale dropped by Walter’s house and told her that she was planning to sing “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” at this week’s city council meeting during time set aside for residents to address the group. Then, she broke into the tune, Walter said.

“She always got such a kick out of preparing her songs,” Walter said.

Council Member Mike Martinez, who was at Tuesday’s meeting when Gale sang “Silent Night,” said he was stunned to hear about her death.

By Wednesday afternoon, Martinez and other council members were planning a possible tribute. One possibility, he said, was dedicating a bench in her honor in the park where she slept. Martinez also noticed on the council’s agenda that Gale had requested to address the group this week.

During that scheduled time, Martinez said he plans to play a video of Gale singing “Silent Night,” followed by a moment of silence.

So, hopefully you are all not too drunk this early in the day to see that I have a new layout! The man is right purdy’n it up for me. It may take a bit for me to get to the new ways of GBJ, so please just exercise your patients little darlings.

However, I did want to remind you all that manana is Kate’s big secret reveal day…

oh goodie boys and girls…I am on the edge of my seat in anticipation.

NOT!

Still having problems loading pics…I am sure you all are well aware of what she looks like, H-O-T!

She died last night in LA following complications due to a heart attack 8 days ago. She was 85.

Adios/RIP Bettie…and thank you for all your visual contributions to the spank bank!

Well, I can’t get a fucking picture to come up and I don’t have all god damned day so you are just gonna have to imagine Ms. Moss at your leisure…

Apparently Kate has a big secret that she is going to reveal to the public on 12/18…I don’t know if I can handle all the suspense. I may not be able to sleep tonight…

Rumors are that she and Jamie Hence could be expecting…yawn, that’s a tired one.

There are also some rumors going around that Kate may use “unwholesome” means to help her stay up all night on the party circuit.

Um, no shit? I know that you can’t get my ass to party til the sun comes up unless you give me a bottle of Jameson and a fucking eight ball. It’s true. I am getting older…I need all the help I can get…

In LA w/ his hurt hand…does mama need to kiss it and make it better…and I aint just talkin ’bout that hand either!